A Heavy News Day in the Capitol
by shrike868
Summary: A quick peek at a day in the Capitol where chaos reigns and reporters stumble to keep up. A little fun at the Capitol's expense. It's mostly humorous, but I couldn't completely escape the books' dark undertones. Caesar Flickerman has a cameo role, but other characters are made up. Rated T to be safe. Admittedly dumb. Not a serious effort. But what the heck, it was fun to write.


**_A/N: This story is basically a little fun at the Capitol's expense. It's a silly, dumb look at how Hunger-Games-related chaos could break loose in the Capitol, so don't look for canon here - this would never happen in the Panem the books talk about. The idea hit me after watching some news blooper videos on YouTube.  
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**__****_I should apologize, though, to reporter Serene Branson (a real person), whose on-camera "burtation" was due to a latent medical condition and was no laughing matter. However, I thought something like it with a contrived cause fit into a more humorous setting. I hope you think so, too._**

**_I conjure up a few ridiculous Capitol fashions in the process. Inspiration? Search the net for pictures of "weirdest makeup ever".  
_**

**_Though I intended the story to be lighthearted, there are dark undertones in the Hunger Games that I couldn't completely avoid.  
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**_For whatever it's worth - enjoy!  
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_****__Kudos to Suzanne Collins for writing a real gem - and creating a world tempting enough to delve into on my own. All rights belong to her._

* * *

_Grandiose music, voiced over by announcer (think Morgan Freeman)_: You're watching the Capitol Evening News.

_A lone male anchor sits at the news desk. He is wearing snow-white makeup and maroon lipstick that matches his suit. His spiky hair is green like grass._

Anchor: Good evening, and thank you for joining us. I'm Publius Overtell.

Our top story this evening: The Gamemakers have allowed an unprecedented sneak peek at the arena for the 48th Hunger Games, which our tributes will enter in about thirty-six hours. Our correspondents are on site with exclusive reports. First, we go to Antonia Lumen at the Cornucopia. Antonia, I understand there is quite a surprise waiting there?

_Antonia's hair is overlaid with strands of pale blue and pale pink tinsel. She has aqua eyebrows that match her dress and wears deep blue eyeliner to match her eyes. She wears a single silver ring in the center of her lower lip and four-inch-long teardrop-shaped silver earrings. She is standing on the right side of the screen in near darkness, illuminated by a camera's light which reflects off her earrings. Over her shoulder, the Cornucopia is sparkling in the camera's light._

Antonia: Publius, you might say yes and no. It's a strange twist in comparison to past Games. But this year, our tributes will find nothing there which will help them survive. No weapons, no tools, no food - unless they find the snakes there appetizing. The snakes, however, will find them appetizing. They are muttations that resemble water moccasins but are readily differentiated by their luminescence. For the duration of the Games, their skins will emit a faint light visible from about 20 feet away in the dark. The light coming from their open mouths will be brighter and will illuminate the area ahead of them with the intensity of a typical flashlight. They use their own light to navigate, unless they are in the proximity of either fire or artificial light sources.

Their hearing and sense of smell are sensitive. The latter, however, is limited to a range of about 20 feet. They strike prey by coiling and springing from a distance of about 10 feet, and they emit a sustained hiss for about two seconds before doing so. That hiss _might_ give a tribute enough warning to avoid a dose of fast-acting venom.

Publius: A strange twist indeed, Antonia. I assume from their use of light to navigate that they are nocturnal?

Antonia: I understand they primarily hunt in darkness, Publius, but I do not know if they are inactive at any particular time of day. In this arena, though, I am told they will have plenty of opportunity to hunt, which implies there will be more darkness than usual. However, I do not have more details about that.

Publius: Indeed you do not, Antonia. Correspondent Tacitus Sparrow has those details. Take it away, Tacitus.

_Tacitus, also illuminated by a camera light, is standing on a launch pad. In the distance behind him, the beam of a spotlight shines directly upward. He has long, shaggy yellow-gold hair that somewhat resembles a lion's mane. He has a matching fuzzy unibrow that could cover his brown eyes if it flopped forward, but it appears that will never happen._

Tacitus: Thank you, Publius. Those snakes will definitely have the chance, because this year's Games will mostly take place in darkness. At certain points in time, the Gamemakers plan to trigger brilliant flashes of high-intensity light, inducing a temporary condition known as flash blindness in the tributes. The first flash will happen as the gong rings. Prior to that time, during the countdown, the lighting level will be equivalent to that of a cloudless, moonless night. The Cornucopia will be dimly illuminated, but it will cease to be as the gong rings. The lighting level within the arena will be varied later in the Games, but the Gamemakers do not currently plan to make it brighter than dawn or dusk. I am told it will be changed irregularly, primarily to affect the pace of the Games.

This year, the arena is equipped with two dozen spotlights like the one you see behind me. These will often be used to trigger the flash blindness, but they will also serve as directional indicators. They will be raised, pivoted, and shined on fluorescent beacons. These beacons mark locations where food, water, the traditional weapons, handheld sources of light, and other essentials can be found. They will glow for up to two hours after a spotlight illuminates them.

Publius: Tacitus, these elements of the Games are unprecedented. Not only are the lighting conditions a first, but it also seems the usual opening battle will not take place, if the tributes are blind to begin with!

Tacitus: It will still take place, but no doubt with fewer casualties than usual. Stout wooden staves placed near each launch pad should be visible in the Cornucopia's light during the countdown. The Gamemakers believe some tributes will use them as a cane of sorts to feel their way while still blind. Some tributes will eventually make their way to the Cornucopia in anticipation of supplies there, and those will undoubtedly use the staves as weapons. Thus, there will be some initial casualties, but most tributes are not expected to remain at the Cornucopia long, due to the absence of supplies and the presence of the snakes Antonia spoke of.

Publius: Thank you, Tacitus -

Tacitus: I should add, though, that the beacons are expected to be the sites of smaller-scale battles as tributes discover the supplies there, but it is clear the battle sequence of these Games will be markedly different.

Publius: Thank you again. This extraordinary turn of events will dramatically alter the dynamics of the Games! We now have previews of the terrain, flora, additional fauna, and other hazards which our tributes will encounter. Reporter Delecia Sabian is at a key location in the arena. Delecia?

_It is marginally lighter near Delecia, though she is still illuminated by a camera light. Thick trees, cattails, and a pond are visible in the background. Her pale skin contrasts with her long dark hair, black lipstick, and dark inch-long eyelashes that curl beneath and around the sides of her dark eyes._

Delecia: Correct, Publius. The Cornucopia and launch pads are surrounded by an unbroken ring of wetlands with varying degrees of hazard. I am standing - Aaaah! _Delecia slips but regains her balance._ Correction - barely standing on the end a slick log that has fallen partway across a swamp. A number of small swamps like this one are present in this ring. Other sections contain only soft mud, ankle to knee deep, that will definitely slow our tributes down. Quicksand ...

_Delecia slips again, shrieks, and wildly flails her arms. Though she remains standing, she drops her mic, and the sound turns to gurgling. The coverage returns to the studio._

Publius: Delecia and her crew seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties. We will try to return to them later in our telecast. Correspondent Serena Berengar is standing by at what may prove to be a game-changer. Serena, is that a - berry bush?

_Serena wears a curly pink wig, heavy silver eyeliner, and a centimeter-wide strip of bright red lipstick down the middle of her lips. Her ensemble is complemented by light lavender skin. Small dots of purple, red, yellow-gold, and creamy white adorn the bushes surrounding her._

Serena: Several of them, Publius. This cluster of bushes contains four unusual species that have never before been in a Hunger Games arena. Each kind will be found growing on the inner and outer edges of the ring of wetlands, though not necessarily all in the same place, as they are here. The trainer at the edible plants station had samples of each this year, so for their own sakes, I hope the fourteen tributes that visited that station remember exactly what to look for. The other ten will be - literally - taking a stab in the dark.

These species are differentiable by their size, texture, shape, and, if there is enough light, their color. Eating one of these dark purple, oblong, bumpy berries will cause a human's nervous system to fail. That person will first lose control of extremities, and as time progresses, limbs and facial features as well. Death occurs in five to ten minutes. They are very juicy, however, and they will undoubtedly tempt someone unfamiliar with them.

These smooth-skinned red berries look like a cherry the size of a large pea, though they do not have pits. They will give whoever eats a handful about fifteen minutes of enhanced vision in the dark. After that effect wears off, however, that person will suffer intense nausea for about an hour.

The remaining two kinds of berries are delicious. These white berries resemble squat, shriveled, unripened strawberries, and the seeds on their skin make them feel much the same. They look unappetizing, but they are perfectly edible and surprisingly filling.

And finally, we have some smooth-skinned, yellow-gold teardrop-shaped berries that resemble miniature pears. Be careful when biting into one, however, and spit it out if it is too tart. Ripe berries are slightly darker in color and slightly less firm, but these differences are very subtle. Tartness is the best indicator of their ripeness, however. Ripe berries are less tart and pose no lasting ill effects other than mild indigestion, but only about ten percent of people experience that. Swallowing insufficiently ripened berries, however, can cause dizziness, blurred vision, or burtations.

Publius: Serena, what exactly are "burtations"?

Serena: They are strange, unexplainable kibbits of nonsensical words whose meanings are debaudging to rophothers, but teret darisons duposeously interposcate with spriptury hospires. Actula walwort satics fricamize lopics, taysan darisons are dangerous if nancessated. Allogividuals experiencing them must be restranitated or ... they begin to pliender violenial ... no, olential callention ballen people experim spribs ...

_Serena's face fades from cheery to blank to hostile. She begins to yell at concert-hall volume._

Serena: **_Pollchit! Duposta hinglen spuzz! You're a brigenating_**** ...**

_Serena's audio cuts off as the screen goes black. Two seconds later, the black screen is replaced by Publius in the studio._

Publius: We ... now ... uh, continue our exclusive tour of the new Hunger Games arena. Let's go to Pliny Swallowtail for details about the outermost terrain. Pliny?

_Pliny stands in what looks like pre-dawn light, beside an enormous pile of mud. One hand holds his microphone; the other, a blob from the pile which runs through his fingers. His chartreuse hair sticks up along the middle of his head, and it is spattered with small dollops of mud. He has a slender red lightning bolt tattoo that begins above one eyebrow and ends below on his cheek, near mouth level. He wears a golden stud in the nostril on the opposite side of his face and thick golden rings inside his stretched earlobes._

Pliny: Thank you and good evening, I am standing beside a slippery 20-foot-high wall of mud. This marks the outer edge of the arena. Any tribute that tries to climb it will certainly slip back down it. (_He holds his hand out to show the runny blob to the camera_.) In between here and the ring of wetlands, there are patches of scrubby, rocky terrain in which surefootedness will be an advantage. Much of the scrub is very dry by nature, and its bark can serve as kindling for fires. There are plenty of caves and clefts in the rock to provide additional cover.

Our tributes will also find sporadic thickets of trees. One type of tree in these thickets has very springy, flexible branches that might prove useful for snares or traps. Another much more rigid tree grows three-inch spikes and thorns from its branches. It appears that broken branches from this kind of tree could serve as a crude natural mace. A third variety of tree grows edible fruit that resembles a pear. Our tributes will have to be careful selecting fruits to consume, however, because both overripe and underripe fruits cause severe stomach cramps, which will hinder a tribute's movement.

Publius: Pliny, this terrain sounds like a difficult place to find water. If it is some distance from the wetlands, do the tributes have other sources?

Pliny: Yes, Publius. The Gamemakers forecast sporadic rain during the Games, which is drinkable if the tributes can find some way to catch it. There are some depressions and basins in the land near the launch pads and Cornucopia which will hold rainwater. Furthermore, artificial containers of water are solidly attached to items throughout the arena, usually in the vicinity of a fluorescent beacon. The Gamemakers will keep these replenished most of the time. They are like a larger-scale water bottle used in a hamster or gerbil cage. The tributes can release water from them by depressing a spherical stopper in the end of a tube.

Publius: Interesting. Where do the Gamemakers expect that the tributes will congregate?

Pliny: I understand the primary locations for combat will be the beacons and the ring of wetlands. As Tacitus said, the beacons will draw tributes in for weapons and supplies, and I believe Delecia will explain why the wetlands will draw tributes. If necessary, flocks of muttation raptors will be released to herd tributes toward each other. If a tribute tries to hide from them in a cleft, rock, cave, or thicket, the Gamemakers can flush them out by releasing either snakes like those at the Cornucopia or large spiders. Injuries from the birds will likely not be fatal but could be incapacitating. They target eyes, ears, and extremities with their beaks and talons. The spiders' venom can cause death if enough is injected, but it takes four to five days of physical progression for that to occur, so the tribute will still be driven onward. And of course, the Gamemakers can remove the water from the outer terrain to force the tributes inward.

Publius: Thank you, Pliny. We now return to Delecia Sabian, whose crew has resolved their technical difficulties. Delecia, as I recall, you were telling us about patches of deep mud, swamp, and ... quicksand?

Delecia: Yes, Publius. All parts of this ring of wet terrain will certainly slow our tributes down when crossing it. However, a number of fallen trees, stones, and branches cover a lot of the hazards. A tribute caught in quicksand could conceivably use these to extricate himself. Also, the fallen trees and branches form pathways _over_ the hazards, although, as I found out, moisture can make them treacherous to navigate. Some analysts think this crisscrossing network of pathways may give the lighter tributes some advantage, because some components may not support the heavier ones.

Publius: Delecia, Pliny Swallowtail reported earlier that this swampy terrain may be a place that the tributes will congregate or be driven to during the course of the Games. Can you elaborate further?

Delecia: I can. The tributes, of course, will seek out water, though I would not recommend drinking this water without purifying it. Additionally, many edible animals and plants are found in swamps, such as frogs, turtles, fish, crayfish, and cattails. Though edible fruit grows in the outer terrain and the large spiders there, though hazardous, have edible abdomens, it is believed the swamps and the berry bushes along the ring of wetlands will be the chief source of food for the tributes. There are some hazards to watch out for, the most frightening of which are three crocodiles. These have been placed at random in three of the swampy sectiaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

_Delecia disappears from view and a loud splash is heard. The picture spins and comes to rest. Shoes and boots appear sideways on the screen, with their soles against the right side and the attached legs extending off the left. The legs and feet are running away from the camera, toward churning water. A series of muffled shouts is heard. "Where'd she go?" "I can't see her!" "There! There!" "That's a log, idiot!" "It's knocking down all the cattails, butthead!" Coverage abruptly returns to the studio._

Publius: We are continuing to work through technical difficulties ... Pardon me, this just in, we have a breaking story to report. We are now simulcasting on the Capitol's Emergency Channel. Peacekeepers are being summoned to Neptune's Pavilion and the adjacent Corner Green to quell a spontaneous riot that broke out within the last five to ten minutes. Thyra Lothar is on the scene. Thyra, is there any explanation for this?

_Thyra is a dark-skinned reporter who wears a white leather jacket with a bright sheen. One side of her long wavy hair is cyan; the other, magenta. She has silver hummingbirds tattooed on each check. Each of their beaks ends just above the corners of her mouth._

_A large lighted patch of open grass is visible behind Thyra. Beyond that is a marble-columned building with a fountain in the foreground. Atop the fountain is the statue of a bearded man with a trident. People are running back and forth across the grass and around the fountain, shouting, waving fists, throwing punches, and occasionally throwing rocks. Peacekeepers, who stand out in their white uniforms, weave through the crowd, occasionally clubbing, tackling, or shocking a rioter._

Thyra: We're trying to piece that together now, Publius. We're sifting through rumors so far, so we cannot report any definitive cause yet. However, a majority of the rumors have something to do with betting and bookmakers. As you know, a number of independent bookmakers frequent the Pavilion during the Games - Ungh!

_Two men with curly blue hair suddenly dart into the frame, knocking Thyra off camera to the right. As both stop and glance around, a Peacekeeper suddenly appears behind one on them, seizes him in a full nelson, and wrestles him off screen to the left. As the other glances in the direction of his companion, a horrible shriek causes him to whirl around, facing to the right. As Thyra charges back into the frame, still shrieking, she lands a right cross on his forehead. He staggers, and Thyra rushes him, knocking him to the ground and diving after him. Thyra shouts a string of profanities, which cuts off when four people, two of which are Peacekeepers, dogpile onto her and the man beneath her. Coverage returns to the studio._

Publius: We will return to coverage of this ongoing riot as soon as possible. We have word now that a similar riot has also begun at Diana's Shrine, a popular casino northwest of downtown. We are dispatching a team there ... uh, correction, I am now told that an unofficial correspondent is on site. Sir, can you hear me?

_A casually dressed man with bright orange hair, eyebrows, and lipstick is holding a microphone in one hand and pressing the other to his ear. Behind him, a crowd with their backs to the camera is pressing up against several cashier's windows. Several are staring in shock or pointing at a wall-size screen that displays each tribute's odds of victory The man is wearing a familiar smile ..._

Man: Publius? Publius, are you there?

Publius: Yes, we hear you sir ...

_Publius's jaw drops open in recognition._

Publius: Caesar Flickerman? Is that you?

Caesar: It is. Some friends and I were here playing blackjack when we witnessed this spectacle unfold. I've been pressed into service, because this situation has been designated a Category One Public Safety Threat. Are we on the Emergency Channel?

Publius (_his expression stunned, yet grave_): Yes, Caesar, go ahead.

Caesar (_still smiling_): Thank you. The crowd here is reacting to news about changes in the Games this year. The announcements about the lack of a typical initial bloodbath and the Games' predominantly dark environment were followed by rapid changes in the betting odds. The odds of winning for second-tier competitors increased while those for the volunteer tributes from Districts 1, 2, and 4 decreased. When both sets of odds became nearly the same, a mad rush to bet on the volunteer tributes began. Though downgraded by oddsmakers, the volunteers are clearly still crowd favorites, and the chance of a bigger payout on one was, of course, more tempting. Some bettors already near the windows were injured as the crowd converged on them. The casino was overwhelmed with requests to place bets and was unable to accommodate very many after the injured were removed from the scene.

Since then, however, rumors have begun to circulate about an occurrence in the Training Center that has possibly skewed the playing field. It is believed - I emphasize, not 'known', but 'believed' - that some tributes consumed a dietary supplement that will give them an unfair advantage over other competitors. The casino has now frozen all bets and is not accepting more. Many bettors in the unruly throng you see behind me are demanding that the casino nullify their bets and refund their money, claiming that not all relevant information was reflected in the new odds.

_Peacekeepers converge on the crowd behind Caesar and begin forcing people on the outer edges away, prodding them or wrestling them as they move offscreen._

The casino has been temporarily locked down. Incoming traffic is being turned away, and customers inside are being separated into small groups to facilitate crowd control. There is palpable anger in the crowd, and the Peacekeepers believe the potential for it to boil over remains high. I am now told that a Mandatory Category One Curfew is in effect from the J parkway eastward to Avenue C, and from 11th northward to 45th. Diana's Shrine is at the approximate center of this region. Residents must remain in their homes until further notice. Anyone in the area found outside after the top of the hour will be taken into custody.

Publius: Valuable information, Caesar. Thank you. Have you heard of any connection between the situation there and the riots downtown at Neptune's Pavilion?

_Caesar's smile disappears as his jaw drops._

Caesar (_incredulously_): You mean there are riots downtown, too? This is the first I've heard! I imagine there is a connection, though, if the bookies know the same things the casino does.

Publius: They might well. We need to break away to cover the situation there, but will you please stay with us, Caesar, to keep us informed of new developments there?

Caesar: I certainly will.

Publius: Thank you. We now switch our coverage back to correspondent Thyra Lothar, who is on the Corner Green located near Neptune's Pavilion. Thyra, please update us on the situation there.

_Only a few people are on the grass and near the Pavilion in the background. About a third of them are Peacekeepers, and most of them are leading handcuffed civilians away, although a few civilians are still running around as before. Thyra is disheveled. Her right eye is beginning to swell, and scratches on one cheek have left gaps in her tattoo._

Thyra: Publius, the situation here is still unsettled but much calmer now. As you can see, the crowds are dispersing, and the Peacekeepers are rounding up ...

_Thyra drops her microphone and ducks as a fist-sized rock flies over her and off the right side of the screen. As she leaps out of the picture to the left, two muffled thumps and a moan are heard. Thyra drags a man by the ear back into the camera frame. She releases his ear, and as he straightens up, she plants a left uppercut on his chin. His eyes roll back, and he topples to the ground. At about half volume because of the distance from the microphone, Thyra shouts, "How's _that_ for face time, scumbag!" She then turns around, leans down, picks up her mic, faces the camera, and picks up where she left off._

Thyra: ... the last of the riffraff. Viewers must keep in mind, however, that this situation is still designated a Category One Public Safety Threat, and a Mandatory Category One Curfew is currently in effect downtown from the President's Mansion to five blocks beyond the Corner Greens in each direction. Any unauthorized person on the street in this area will be detained.

_As she speaks, a Peacekeeper appears behind Thyra, picks up the unconscious man's feet, and drags him out of the picture._

Thyra: The cause of this ruckus was an abrupt change in the betting odds on this year's Hunger Games tributes. When that occurred, several people began to threaten the bookmakers inside Neptune's Pavilion, who began to flee. Others attempted to block or restrain those who made the threats, and it all rapidly escalated into a brawl. The brawl poured out of the Pavilion's front doors as a crowd outside was converging in response to the changing odds. Officials theorize that the latent anger in the crowd was too much of a catalyst, and the melee spread until almost everyone in the area was indiscriminately fighting, as you saw during my earlier on-air segment.

Of the twenty bookmakers inside the pavilion, seventeen escaped without injury. Two were treated for minor injuries here at the scene and released. One, however, was transported to Asclepius Medical Center with a concussion, a broken nose, fractured ribs, and a dislocated jaw. He will remain there at least overnight.

Publius: Thyra, have you heard any rumors about some sort of dietary supplement being made available to only some of the tributes?

Thyra: Nothing of the kind. I'll investigate further here.

Publius: Thank you, Thyra. Now back to Caesar Flickerman, who is reporting from Diana's Shrine. Caesar, I'm told you have new information about the potential scandal regarding the tributes' dietary supplements?

Caesar: I do. The Gamemakers will be making a televised statement about it in the near future, in the interest of full disclosure to those who want to bet on the Games. I also have learned that the Secretary of Commerce has frozen all placement and cancellation of bets on the Games until further notice, pending the Gamemakers' statement. It is possible that President Snow or one of his advisors will also issue a televised statement. No official time has been announced -

_A wild-eyed man rushes into the picture, shoves Caesar off camera, and grabs his microphone. He looks into the camera and begins to speak._

Wild-Eyed Man: People of the Capitol, see what we've become! We are the savages now! The Games must end imme-

_Audio is cut off, and the screen goes black. New video appears, showing a very confused Publius Overtell at the studio news desk._

Publius: Uh ... this is Publius Overtell, and you're watching the Capitol Evening News. Stay tuned for continuing coverage of this unprecedented situation, as we sort out the aftermath of two riots in the Capitol this evening and, uh ... try to figure out, uh, who exactly has the odds in their favor.


End file.
